I’m Not Picky, I Just Know My Worth

I’m done writing the same intro on dating over and over again, so if you want to know what I’ve written about the dating culture, click here to know why I have been and am single.

Surely, I have been dating on and off but have yet to settle in a legit relationship in these 2 years of being single. I could never commit. I could never tell myself it was worth it to commit.

Earth.jpg

1. Commitment includes sacrificing your priorities.

Not entirely, but it surely affects your priorities. Just like the 4 Burners Theory, if you want to focus on one thing, you have to forego something. It’s common sense. As one who has just entered the society and kickstarted her career, my priorities go to family and career. Career does not solely includes my paid work, but things I do out of work that will eventually contribute to the skills I could use in the future, like writing this, taking photos and doing videos. When I have so much packed in my normal working days and off days, I only have Sundays to spend with my family. Most weekdays I don’t even get to see my family because of our different working hours and to be honest, it’s difficult.

If I were to commit, it would mean to give up on even more things I already am struggling to juggle; and I don’t want that. I don’t want that unless it is someone I know is worth it.

2. It is not about what he can offer, but how he makes me feel.

To be fucking honest, I have dated a few who made me feel like it could be something, but nothing ever blossomed because I never truly felt happy. And as of now, I can say nobody made me feel really happy. Nobody made me feel like it is going to be worth it. It was all superficial and just skin deep. There are many times I go home and I wonder what I’m doing with this guy. And those are the times I would call it off and let it go.

And why do I do that?

3. I’ve been through something real; still it did not prove to be worth it.

I don’t give up easily when it comes to a relationship. But having been through something I call real, a relationship that made me feel like he was family, I can tell what is real and what isn’t. I can tell what is sincerity and what isn’t. I know when a guy is willing to wait and compromise and when a guy isn’t. Even through all that, the last relationship proved not to be worth it. Surely I learnt a lot (not just lessons, but the good things) from him and I appreciated his existence in my life; but still if I was 19 all over again, I would not choose to be in any relationship. Having said that, I don’t regret and neither do I wish to turn back time and change my decision all over again, but being me now, I won’t put myself through it.

Even when I thought he was the best I could find at that point, it still wasn’t worth it. Wasn’t worth all the time I had when I was young and energetic. When I had so much more I could spend my time on. I could have taken up other classes I’ve wanted to do so badly. Or actually getting my driving license lol. But instead those days were spent on quality time with him. Now all in the trash.

4. I began to learn what I want.

I haven’t been someone who was the pickiest. People questioned my decisions. Questioned me if he was good enough for me. I was upset when people did that. It’s so judgmental. Just because he isn’t where he wants to be yet doesn’t mean he is below anyone; or was not worth it. I was sure he was good enough for me, or even better. Even when it comes to my dates, I believed they were good enough, they were worth it.

But trust me, been there done that. Just because I felt this way, & was willing to give, did not mean it was going to be mutual or worth it. Over time, lesson after lesson, I begin to realise it wasn’t all about how much you’re willing to give, but how mutual it has to be.

If I was going to be upset about someone, why not make it for someone who’s so much more worth it? Why not make the heartbreak more worth it; to be only for the one I truly want? For the one who’s witty, intelligent and willing to love?

Let’s not waste each other’s time.


gaigai-team

The GaiGai/Paktor team at the event yesterday! Missing Vipin & Petrina here.

I’ll be uploading a vlog tonight, stay tuned to my YouTube for updates. It will be on the Encore Singles’ Party I held for work yesterday. So if you want to get an idea of how it’s like to attend a Singles’ Party organised by myself (and GaiGai), check out my video tonight! It will be embedded here once it’s up. 😉 Have a great week ahead!

Advertisements