When You’re Secretly Afraid to Commit

And you didn’t even realise it.

Being single for 2 years isn’t a long time to many. But it certainly has been the longest for me, and I’m not sure if this will remain a constant. The act of dating has become a routine, and that is for sure. For the longest time, I always wondered why I never settled even though I had been seeing a few people through these 2 years. But through conversations with my girl friend, she pointed out something I never realised –  I am probably just not ready. I’m just afraid of committing.

For all the other times, I have been giving myself excuses about how the other dates are just – not someone I’d wanna settle with. But truth is… I’m secretly afraid to commit.

Here are some signs…. I’m actually hoping you won’t find this relatable.

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Portrait captured by Fliz in 2015.

1. You choose people who are emotionally unavailable.

Came across an article some time ago about how people who have issues themselves, tend to pick partners who are even more complicated than they are – only because it serves as a distraction. And that is nothing but true.

You have been dating people you know aren’t ready to settle because you know you are not ready to commit. You know very well that you get to say bye whenever you wanted to, because, tbh, they don’t even care if you leave.

 

2. You are actually afraid of being nice to the nice guys.

Only because you don’t want to lead them on. These guys are the ones who’d do anything for you and wait for you to be “ready” as long as you want them to. And these guys are the ones you never ever want to hurt – so you cut them off.

 

3. You don’t check your phone for replies.. Or texts.

You’re comfortable with your date taking his own sweet time to ask you out. You don’t check your phone for his replies. You don’t really care if he wants to see you this week. No, seriously, you’d very much prefer to go home or hang with your friends.

Because holding a conversation late at night is a flippin’ huge commitment. Ugh, sleep is everything.

 

4. You draw a clear line between dates and partners.

You’re still looking around and dating for the fun of it. In your heart, you know you want stability and someone to go home to. But in your head, you tell yourself never to fall again. To make it absolutely clear so you don’t fall head over heels, you draw a clear line between who are just dates and who are the potential partners. You draw a clear line between both and you have different sets of commitments to each.

If he’s a date, you say no to his request to meet up on a busy night. If he’s a potential partner, you’d take time off work just to spend time with him.

And if he’s just a date…

 

5. You don’t put him on your Snapchat.

Okay let’s be real. We don’t snap our dates because we don’t want others to know about our private lives – how often we’re seeing anyone, even friends. You don’t want to show his face on your snapchat because you don’t want to be explaining to your friends the entire story about how you guys met 4 months ago and ended things 2 months back… You know, the entire storytelling gets pretty tiring over time when you meet different friends.

So you’d rather just keep it short. Don’t. Snap. Dates.

 

6. You don’t want to meet his family and closest of friends.

When he asks you to meet his family or his closest of friends, you are doubtful of the entire idea. You’re concerned. You’re unsure if you even want to see them. No, I’m not referring to you being shy or wanting to look and present yourself in the best way possible. I’m referring to those who don’t even want to be acknowledged by them.

If you’re one who wants to commit, you would have no problems hanging out with his closest of family and friends. In fact, you’d be more than glad to.

 


 

After all, the first step to change and to fix something is to admit that you made a mistake, that you need to change. Now that I’ve written this, I really hope things will change for the better. I do want to settle. I do want to commit. I’m trying.

Please wait for my upcoming vlog guysssss, it’s coming I promise.

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