Love & Relationship posts thoughts

What It Takes for a Serial Dater to Settle Down

I know, I know – cushioning is the latest dating trend. And if you haven’t heard, cushioning is the situation whereby you have lotsa backup plans on your phone in your contacts – just in case this date and you won’t work out.

Many of us won’t admit that we’re serial daters. “What are serial daters?” you ask.
In my own definition, they are people who jump from date to date, all not exceeding 1.5 months/date. And I hereby admit that I used to be one of them. So yeah, you get my most honest opinion here.


1. They Gotta – First – Serial Date

Duh. How else to be qualified to be a serial dater? But okay – what encompasses meeting many different individuals constantly is the fact that you get exposed to so many different combinations of types of people. Different personalities, ethnicities, appearances, habits, lifestyle, decisions and beliefs.

This allows them to trial & error – even if it sounds real fucked up – but it’s true. The more you expose yourself to, the more you learn what doesn’t suit you.

2. They Get Sick of It

Come on. Everyone enjoys a chill night out with friends – a pint, great music and fun company, who doesn’t enjoy that? But imagine being someone who has a longer Netflix subscription than the lifespan of a relationship – you no longer get emotionally attached to people. You get soooo used to farewells they don’t even mean anything, you don’t even remember how to be sad anymore. After every social night (yeah sure it’s fun but), you go home alone. The cab rides you take alone. The time you spend all alone. Well, truth is nights in sobriety are the hardest to get pass without feeling emotional.

You get so sick of the transience of all these dates and “relationships” you put yourself in.

3. They Gotta Stop Dating

So sick of all these temporary feelings and almost-commitments that they no longer want to waste their time meeting someone new anymore. They start to focus on their actual, real lives. They stop going on social dating apps and meeting random people in clubs. They stop hoping that something comes out of an almost-relationship.

They even avoid dating.

4. They Embrace Solitude

They realise being alone is best, and company could be so superficial. They know that being alone is the best for recovery. I know, it is never as emotional as I write it to be. But the truth is every has-been serial dater would understand that solitude is the best way out of this warped lifestyle of jumping from person to person. In search of novelty, or even driven by the fear of commitment.

They embrace being alone. They stop wanting to see anyone. They no longer yearn for fun nights out and hi-bye relationships. They start yearning for that very one who makes their heart skip a beat – because it hasn’t happened in a long long time.

5. They Meet The One

Meeting the one doesn’t happen to everybody. Some people are currently at Stage 4. Some people spend a period at Stage 4, and jumps right back into Stage 1. And then it becomes a whole cycle again and again. It is as addictive as a toxic relationship could be.

But if they could start embracing solitude for long, they start meeting people in real life, and start actually spending quality time opening up and sharing about themselves, they could meet the one.

The one who makes them feel passionate again. The one who makes them smile so widely and cry so crazily for, all over again.

Trust me. We’d choose to love so passionately if given a chance again.

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