I know it all too well. Self pity – this suddenly becomes inevitable. Like the article I’ve written before, not too long ago. I was doing the whole self-pity act even before I realised, until someone I hardly even know called me out on that and it really gave me a wake-up call.
For the first time, we met at Starbucks, had coffee and talked about work. He’s a software developer, geeky IT guy, flies really often for work and is in love with a lady he met on Tinder in Bali. We shared personal stories, since all we knew were each other’s names and nothing more. That was also the last time we talked. I wasn’t being absolutely serious, but I shrugged as “poor me” slipped out of my tongue. That was when he stopped me and said,”No. Do NOT ever say that, or even think that.”
That was also for the first time in my life that I realised how self-pity can come so easily and quickly without you knowing. You could be so absorbed in it, so depressed that it subconsciously affects you every single day. That was also when I realised, I should not punish myself for someone else’s mistakes.
While You’re Upset, He’s Having Fun
So while you get cooped up alone grieving, he’s out having fun. He’s acting like he never did you any wrong. He’s acting like he has never once lied to you. He’s convinced himself and people around him that you deserved what you went through and all the hurt he’s put you through. He’s convinced that he’s done making up to you.
So while you are so absorbed in this tragedy, beating yourself up for what he has done wrong, guess what else you could actually be doing? Doing what he’s doing – have fun. Hang out with your friends, they’re always there for you to make sure you’re alright at the end of the day.
Don’t Drown Your Sorrows
The last thing a sad and depressed person should ever do is to drink. I know myself well enough to not touch a sip of alcohol when I’m upset or in an absolute shit mood. Because beers and drinks deserve celebrations, not sob stories and tears.
Time Is F*cking Precious
The clock is ticking while you spend a second crying. The clock is f*cking ticking when you refuse to put yourself out there to meet more people. The clock, trust me, is f*cking ticking. Before you know it, you’re missing out on SOOOOO many things in life.
Focus on Your Priorities and What’s Important
I have tolerated a motherf*ckin shit load of stuff in this past year, all in the name of priorities and responsibilities. Time check – almost a year has passed, and I do NOT regret any bit of this. I do not regret putting myself in situations where I had to bite my lip and act like I was fine, and interact with people who do not deserve a single second of my attention and effort. I do not regret forcing myself to work out of my comfort zone time and again. To tolerate what I would otherwise never, if not for priorities.
I have made the worst decisions in life, but this is also one of the best. I tolerated and swallowed my pride time and again for what I have today; for the opportunities and experience I am exposed to today. Because if I hadn’t, I would have walked out of here and gave up the opportunity to learn so much more today.
It would never be worth it to give up what I have constantly worked so hard for, over something that seems so minor now, and especially over someone else’s mistakes and misalignment of moral values.
Get Your Head in the Game
Human beings are emotional creatures. So am I. So was I. Always remember that it’s all right to give yourself time to grieve over something you’re really upset about. But also never forget that you have more important things in life to work towards. Give yourself a timeline and a hard rule – 2 weeks is the longest you should ever spend grieving and beating yourself up. Honestly, 2 weeks is more than enough.
For myself ever since, I have set goals and plans for myself to achieve and keep to within the next year, and I seriously get my head in the game. Initially, I had to purposely remind myself that the best clapback is to wholeheartedly and genuinely move on, be focused on your own life and start achieving. But I’ve felt so determined since that I do not even need reminders anymore. It’s just how it is right now, and I am truly loving every bit of my life.
I don’t know what tough times you’re going through but I hope this came at a right time. See, I’m only 24, haven’t achieved much (that I ultimately want to) yet but I honestly think I’ve been put through hell time and again in many aspects of life, and because of that I really have so much to share in coming months and years.
Whatever you’re going through now, always keep your head up and know that for one day you put yourself down, is a day you’re giving up and closing opened doors. And before you realise that, you have to know how much ONE open door can expose you to. Keep your options open, make plans for your own life, and fight for it tirelessly.
Sometimes I’ve heard so much of “Coco, you’re really strong” that I am seriously f*cking sick of it. Tbh, sometimes I’d rather I’m not. But then again I can’t fight the fact that I have so much more important things to work on and work for. These keep me going everyday, even through the highest hurdles and with the toughest people. Find your motivation and determination, you’ll get there.