Or at least, I don’t believe in it. Dating today is complicated. Let’s face it – ghosting, zombieing, f*ckboys all around… We can never be sure.
And in such an age where most people aren’t sure, and are just doing things to make themselves feel good – #yolo – an age when everyone is self entitled and selfish.
People think that it’ll be smarter to keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.
Think the close girlfriend your boyfriend has, who he claims to be “just friends”. But you know “just friends” wouldn’t call him at 3am, crying on his shoulders. You know “just friends” wouldn’t be someone who’s awkward in front of both of you, but you see them interacting everyday when you’re not present. But he doesn’t buy it. Should you act like you’re fine with her existence, or should you blatantly show it?
1. Relationships Should be True – and Worthy of Trust
If I don’t like your female friend hanging around ’cause I know what she’s up to, trust me I’d tell you that. The last thing I will do is to sugar coat it, make your best friend mine, and act like we’re best friends forever. Because a partner you want to trust and commit to, should be worthy of your true feelings. You don’t hide it. You should be comfortable enough to tell him straight up when you’re uncomfortable with anything. He should be mature enough to not make a big deal out of your preferences.
You don’t need him to stay away and avoid, but you need him to trust that she’s up to no good. You need him to make you trust that he will be able to draw the line, no matter what she does – even if she throws herself at him FOC.
2. Vulnerability Buys Sympathy, but Only Sympathy
Sympathy is relative. Sympathy is a short-term effect. The best analogy is such as when you’re scrolling through your Facebook newsfeed and you saw a video of a tragedy happening somewhere else in the world. You sympathise for as long as you watch it, and up until you’ve hit “Share” or “Post” after you’ve written some sort of touching captions to show how you feel. But 2 minutes later, you move on and you forget about it. This is human nature, and there’s nothing wrong about it.
In today’s world where everything is fast-paced and moving, you don’t have time to stop to feel for someone. Similarly, don’t expect this of others.
Vulnerability buys no true friendship. Vulnerability buys no trust.
This is why I firmly believe in keeping any sort of vulnerability to myself, and I only present others with facts – truth of what has happened – and I leave it up to them to decide if they think something is ethical, or morally right. Values between individuals are worlds of differences. You may not agree to something strongly, but he or she may not feel the same. Do not ever expect you begging a third party to back the fuck off and he or she would actually do it. Do not expect other people who’re merely curious and talk to you just to get to know more about your situation to feed their curiosity to do anything for you out of sympathy. And this is exactly why I do not believe in showing vulnerability.
3. Your Clock Ticks, So Does Hers
And time waits for nobody. You don’t have time to waste, spending on someone who would call your concerns “insecurities” or “crazy”. The truth is many ladies have great instincts. When you feel like a lady is up to no good, 99% of the time, she isn’t. It’s just whether you eventually get to the truth of it – may take up to 10 years to prove it (not even kidding).
But similarly, we tend to lie to ourselves to give them the benefit of the doubt. And I can tell you, 99% of the time you feel this way, you’re fuckin yourself up. Stop acting like you’re nice, and you want to keep her by your side to see if she does anything wrong. When you keep her by your side, you’re assuming she actually values the friendship and trust you’ve put in her. But often, it’s been proven that ladies do not have much of that sisterhood loyalty in comparison to guys with their bromance.
4. Ladies are Lone Rangers and Hopeless Romantic’s
A typical thing to check off a lady’s bucket list is to get married (eventually, even if at 50 years old) and have a family. A lady fights for her prince charming and true love, while a man fights for his career. And when a lady is willing to fight for what she deems is her future, she would do anything and everything to get that. And that includes betraying you as a friend. This means that no matter how much of a close friend you keep her, just to watch her, if she wants to hide something, she will.
So question is, why throw away your dignity when it makes no difference?
Dear ladies, don’t keep your enemies closer – it gives them more opportunities to find out what your weaknesses are, and that makes it all the more dangerous. Keep enemies as far away from you as possible, and focus all your energy on people who bring you positive energy (YOUR TRUE FRIENDS, DARLING).
If you insist on keeping enemies closer, it’s as good as playing with fire. And we all know the risk of playing with fire – just be sure not to burn yourself.