I spent my Sunday in bed, watching He’s Just Not That Into You. Confession time: I was never a chick flick person until recent weeks. I don’t know what’s gotten into me. But anyway, I watched the entire thing and as much as it’s only gotten 40% and an average rating of 5.1/10 on rotten tomatoes, I have to agree with the main message of the film. I know it’s an old film dated 2009, but unfortunately, I don’t think the dating scene today has very much changed. Well maybe except for the shitty nokia phones, we’ve got very vulnerable iPhones we can’t afford to drop today. And instead of voicemails/MySpace, we’ve got texts and Facebook/IG.
Ladies, if he doesn’t want to call, he simply doesn’t want to call. Stop asking your female besties if he’s into you when you’re subconsciously questioning that.
Learn to be very comfortable with walking away.
From men who don’t deserve your time or attention. And by this statement, I do not mean solely on first dates; or in fact on the first few. Learn to be comfortable with farewells so much so that you can emotionally afford to walk away at any point of time. Be it 3 weeks or 7 years. Learn to walk away when you know all you’re doing is coming up with excuses for his shitty behaviour.
When you start questioning yourself way too often about the way he’s treating you, it is usually time to walk away.
People will always lie.
Even you, or me. We lie to make others feel better. We lie to cover our asses. We lie to make ourselves feel better. People lie.
The only truth is the actions. The only truth is what you see has been done. The only truth are things that have happened.
His promises aren’t the truth. His words aren’t certainly the truth. His actions are. His sacrifices are. His efforts are.
Confront your doubts.
Nobody’s stupid. People learn from signs. People tell from signs. But what we also do is to come up with ways to convince ourselves otherwise. Don’t question yourself, make yourself feel stupid and then start turning the littlest gesture he’s made into a huge sacrifice.
If you begin to realise that he’s maybe just not the one for you, or if you realise you’re secretly wishing that he could change something about himself for you (e.g. be a lot sweeter/romantic/expressive), it’s likely that you won’t be able to tolerate him until the end of time. At some point, you’re gonna flip. So ask yourself if this is someone you want to live with. Ask yourself if this is the attitude you want to put up with for the rest of your life.
Most ladies want to get married and settle down. Most ladies want to have children, or dogs. Ask yourself if this is the kind of man you want your children to look up to. Ask yourself if not for your own feelings for him, would this be someone you want your daughter to marry.
Ask yourself questions as if you’re not you.
Not everyone’s gonna find someone.
Like the ending of the film says, maybe your happy ending isn’t with anyone in particular. Maybe it’s you, yourself, and saving it for something better and bigger. Not everyone’s gonna end up with their soulmates.
Maybe you’re gonna build an empire. Maybe you’re the next Steve Jobs. Maybe you just won’t ever be happy or contented with anyone. Prepare yourself for the worst.
Face the harsh reality that not everyone’s gonna be able to end up happily in love; and learn to be okay with that. I’m learning to be okay with that. I’m learning to accept that I may not eventually be with anyone. I’m learning that career is a much better investment. But this is my choice, and could ultimately lead to what I expected things to be. Like they say, be careful what you wish for.
I don’t have faith in time. I still love the idea of love. I still love the idea of giving everything you have to someone you love. But sustainability is a question. It will always be.
What’s your choice?