Breaking news: Bye, Tinder!

Dear Tinder,

You have served me well the past 5 years. I have loved and lost. I have met amazing people, and not so great ones. But for now, I am done.

With love,
Coco

Yes, you heard me. I have been on Tinder for almost 5 years now and I deleted my account off Tinder. It has been two days now, and of course, I had to document this celebratory (mmm) moment.

Avid Tinder User

Like most Singaporean singles out there today, I have always thought of Tinder as my refuge. In between on-off relationships, dates, my habits surface – and that includes going back on Tinder, refreshing my photos and bio. Right after a breakup, I install Tinder on my phone and end up with days on heavily swiping through profiles – while seated on the toilet bowl or on my way to work. Sometimes even when I’m queuing to get my coffee. You know it.

And just like every other intervals… (Why do I even call them intervals when being single is a constant??) I end up meeting really nice people from Tinder and we do end up being friends. I have actually made quite a few friends on Tinder and we still are friends today.

Thanks to my new Huawei phone, I managed to scroll-shot my profile on Tinder and here is what it looked like before I deleted it.

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And yes, please don’t judge but my anthem is extremely appropriate for the Tinder crowd (hahaha). I’m kidding – i actually really love this song! But anyway, of course, we have had different bios in each interval… “Friends only…” “Looking for sincere dates” etc lame ass bios, and this time I opted for drinking buds!

Here is me going through my photos. I don’t know why but I just thought it was necessary to show you what my photos were. LOL. And okay, i have to say my photos aren’t the best to show that I was ever looking for real and sincere dates. I know – friends have told me my choice of photos just kinda reflect myself as being the party animal, girls looking for hookups. But no! These are photos that make up the bulk of my life. Lots of drinking but don’t mean I wasn’t sincere and just looking for fun.

 

And this is me, deleting my Tinder account. I recorded it too because Tinder was equivalent to my beers, whiskey neat’s and hiphop clubs. Things I could have never lived without in the past 5 years of my life.

 

So yes, this time wasn’t like every other time. I was always the one going around convincing my girlfriends to give up CMB for Tinder (mostly because CMB is too slow and Tinder is just quick and with a wide variety of human beings – think Daiso.)

So question is, what made me want to go to the extreme of deleting my account and not just the app?

I spoke with a few matches and went on a few dates. They’re all pretty nice people and nothing was really wrong with them or the dates. The thing is through these conversations, I realised how so many of them are “coming back” to or new members of Tinder with one similar reason – they just went through a breakup.

At the start of every date, it always seems so hopeful and pleasant. All’s sugar, spice and everything nice. You start to think,’Hey.. I think this could really work.’ – especially after a few drinks and compliments offered to each other.

This is nothing but a facade.

Filling Voids

Like myself, we’re all trying to fill voids. Voids that were there because someone left. It could be physical, it could be emotional. But the truth is we’re all there just to fill up an empty space.

Remember what they told you about finding the right one? You have to first feel complete on your own. I know this sounds so cliche but hey, it took me 5 years to actually see and agree with this. Tinder people, I am one of you. I am no different, but this is what I have come to realise.

So what’s so bad about filling voids?

Self-manifesting Ideals

If your intention is to fill voids, you start to make up ideals in your head, even if it’s a bad date. Come on, you know exactly what I mean. Just because you shared a great conversation over one night of drinks bar-hopping doesn’t mean he or she is the one you should actually be seeing. I’ve been there. Maybe some people haven’t, but at least this is how I feel and how I see it.

And if we were all to start creating our own ideals, seeing only the things we want to see in our heads, it will just be rinse and repeat – bad date after bad date.

When this year begun, I told myself that the motto I would stick to (hopefully for years on) would be that you can’t expect things to change if you’re doing everything the same. 

Endless Ideal Date Choices

Another thing is that people who are so used to Tinder are just, honestly, so used to easy and convenient things. We keep going back because it’s just a tap away. After a fight, after a break up, after lonely nights – just one tap and it gives us what we need. Be it companionship, someone to talk to, someone to hook up with.

But it is also exactly the convenience it offers that makes bad habits hard to get rid of. Every time you’re in a bad state with someone you’re dating, you recall that potential date you could have actually had something with. Your fingers and your heart start to itch so bad knowing it is just a tap away. I call it a vice. And I’m done with feeling like this.

I’m done thinking that people are disposable and extremely replaceable, because people aren’t. Yes, you can always date someone better – but there’s never a person you can replace in terms of the chemistry, experience and memories you’ll have with. And I choose to believe this.

Tinder could still be fun

But don’t get me wrong – I’ve been on it for 5 years for a reason. It has always given me what I needed at that point of time. It’s just that I have come to a point that I am done with transient and fleeting moments.

I want to be on my own person and figure what I really want in life. What my actual habits are and what my preferences are.

Within these two weeks, I have met a few people (not from Tinder) by chance and I find that our conversations are so much more sincere. And I guess, the hopeless romantic in me prefers this to someone I’ll possibly meet who’s just a swipe away.

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