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Why I was on a writing hiatus

It’s been 2 months since my last article. I promised to post some guest content but never got down to doing it or working the content out in entirety with these authors, but they’ll come. Hopefully within the next month.

Here’s why I went on a hiatus:
I was too caught up sorting my shit out which I didn’t want to make public.
It has a lot to do with the stage I am right now in my life, that writing about my issues as an expression now has taken a whole new turn from what it initially was.

What writing initially served.

It used to be so much about what I had on my mind, and only a handful of people read them. But now, after years of writing on relationships, people recognise me for the things I’ve written (not like hey i know cokeofalltrades, but more of like hey i saw this thing before i didn’t know u wrote it-kinda recognition), and it often comes with conversations surrounding my pieces. Truth be told, I’m tired. On top of this, I stopped talking to someone I cared a lot about due to a misunderstanding over my last content piece, and I was in the shittiest of places. However, I feel like time has only proven to me that it all happens for a reason – and often, for very good reason.

In summary, I was tired of all the drama and whatever chaos that came with writing about me, my experiences, other people I’ve met and more stories. This is exactly why I chose to take a break.

But taking this break came with a price – I started questioning who I am and what really makes me feel like myself again. I felt lost and I didn’t know if writing was truly what I liked anymore (and yeah, coco, sure – right after getting a tattoo on writing lol). To be fair, I started questioning everything in my life. My priorities in life and things I thought were important or crucial to my plans. I’m starting to doubt if they ever made sense and if they were even the right motivation. Or was I swayed because of the influence I’ve had over the years with people from different walks of life?

After these two months, I think I truly needed this. I realised I needed to write. I need to get my voice out there again, and this time, regardless of whoever reads it, regardless of consequences – be it negative. Funny how people say that when you grow older, you’re less concerned about what other people think – somehow I feel like the opposite is true for me. I start questioning if the way I live is the right way, but then again along this train of thought I decided I can’t be fucked, and you are the one who owns your fucking timeline.

Also, the person I wrote my last article for, on forgiving a cheater, actually gathered enough courage to end the engagement with said partner. Person informed me a few weeks after I wrote the article, and this is exactly what drives me to write things that may not be the most peaceful things to read. I’m fighting for what belongs to me and what I started, and I will continue to fight for it until the end of the day.

If the things I write are what people need to hear, or things I need to get off my chest, I’m fucking doing it.

One comment

  1. When Steve Jobs pushed out the revolutionary products at Apple, he was in between Pancreatic Cancer remissions. After the first occurrence, he began asking himself, “What if this was my last day? Would I be satisfied?” During that period, Steve launched products that would change the world and cement his legacy in the history of mankind. The Apple product we hold in our hands elucidate the spirit of Steve Jobs; a design language and user experience communicated to us through the relentless passion of an individual. During Steve’s most successful period as CEO of Apple, death was already catching up, but lucky for Steve, over the course of his life, he never stopped living, so he never had to start when illness started to plague him. Steve only became more focused about life, and living. He did not mellow down to his engineers, instead, like everyday, he demanded the best from them, because we only have one life, and unbeknownst to us, sometimes, we only have one day to give our best before death approaches. Of course, when Steve approached his final days, he faced his tribulations. With his first daughter, Lisa, sitting by his death bed, a girl who he did not want to acknowledge was his due to the immaturity of youth, Steve wept, regretted, and wished he could’ve done it differently. Even geniuses die with regrets.

    When I chanced upon your website, and subsequently, your blog posts, I sensed a person who isn’t trying to sell sponsorship products, or herself, because for content producers like myself, it would’ve been extremely obvious to tell how manipulation writing works. When I started assessing your style of writing and the emotions behind every sentence, I saw someone who wanted to be understood and if I should be curt, someone who has the thoughts of perfectionist. This is the reason why I mentioned Steve. Steve was a perfectionist, but he wasn’t perfect. His relationships often fall apart on his quest to perfection. He believed that his product, and his ideas, can be perfect. He focused on affecting the masses than sugarcoating the people around him. But Steve lived everyday as perfect as he could’ve possibly done.

    When I read about your trials and tribulations about life and relationships, I can’t help thinking about the “shit” you had to sort out. It must’ve been terrible to have affected you badly that you stopped writing. But when I think about your writing, I think about the people you could’ve affected, if you never went on your hiatus. I think about the emotions you have conveyed in your other posts and what you could’ve typed that could possibly touch someone who visits your blog. We are not Steve Jobs and some of us could never be, but the concept of affecting people stays the same. Steve probably had more “shit” to deal with than anyone of us but he never stopped living through what he wanted to communicate, which is Apple. I think your passion as a creator, to communicate, to reach out and be truthful with your writing, is that heart of a product that you deliver very well. So while “shit” needs to be attended to, don’t get bothered and caught up by things you cannot control. This is what perfectionists or creatos often get caught up by, the need to be able to make a change at his/her own terms but the universe never works that way. Like death, there are many things that are uncontrollable, but what can you control? What can you try to make perfect? That is what you can do.

    If you’re wondering why I bothered to type this, I chanced upon your blog when we matched on Tinder 2 days ago. Seeing that you’re a writer on your profile, your blog is reachable within a click on google. I reached out and said a simple hi, but you haven’t replied and my patience with the app ran out, so I deleted it. I started the app only for 2 days but I realized this way of connecting with people isn’t my cup of tea. I was expected to amuse people. Wished I bought that Magic Tricks for dummies book so I could pull a rabbit out of a hat. Anyhow, being out of a relationship for a year after 5 years invested in my last one, I wanted to try dating again. I learned that the relationship I had that went stale became that way due to the complacency of two people. Relationship takes hard work. Wisdom is the future built by scars of the past. I hope you find solace and someone who understands you the way you want to be understood. To know that voice that still has that bit of innocence and genuine naivety in all of your blog posts. What really drew me in to swipe right at you, was your eyes. You have the eyes that can pierce into the soul of people but it also gives away the window to look inside of you. Your eyes spoke of something amiss. Do you know that your eyes are trying to say something that is in great disagreement to the smile that you give in your pictures?

    Anyway, that made me give into that 2 mins of cyberstalking, and more minutes of reading your posts on my train rides. But just to be clear, I’m here as a fellow content creator, and I saw that potential that I hope will not be deprived by the “shit” you had to sort out. While we could’ve spoken on Tinder if I never deleted my account, I don’t think I could’ve communicated this reply to you and not have you think I was up to something. To not tarnish the genuine intent of this long reply which I’ve spent a good 35 minutes typing, I will not be including a real email address or a name in the columns below. I just simply wished to connect on an emotional level with someone who I’ve invested sometime reading into. You have the compass of a compassionate, dynamic, and emotional individual, don’t lose your way coldcokes. til’ next time.

    K.

    Liked by 1 person

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