To the Ladies who Have Once Chosen to Forgive

To the ladies who had to go through the pain of potentially losing the one you love because of a mistake you didn’t make.
To the ladies who had to feel betrayed not once but twice by people you trusted.
To the ladies who had to bury their pain and sadness because they chose to forgive and nobody wanted to and could understand.
To the ladies who have been so strong to face it all alone everyday.
To the ladies who had to feel the pain being reminded every night before you sleep and the moment you open your eyes to a new day.

I hope this post resonates with you.

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You Doubt Yourself… All the Time

Everyone tells you it is not your fault – that you have done nothing to deserve this or to cause this infidelity. The truth is you can’t help but to question yourself every time you’re alone if you weren’t good enough. You know clearly you didn’t do anything to create such an opportunity, but deep down, you wonder if it is the things you didn’t do that made him chose someone over you at one point.

 

You Ask Yourself if You Could Live Without Him

The answer is always yes – let’s be real, all you need is time to heal. But you have been working so hard to keep this relationship, and what you have with him is incredible. So incredible you knew you would never feel this way with anyone else in the world.

These conflicting thoughts come back to your head all the time – We’re incredible.. But if we were truly incredible, why did he do it?

 

You Want Answers

You want answers to every single question you have in your head. Why did he do what he did? Why would she even do it? Why would a lady do it to another when she perfectly knows and understands how it would feel?

I will never comprehend.

 

You Chose to Forgive Him but Not Her

Because you wanna work on the relationship and you really love him, while she is just a passing figure who has once made use of your trust. You have tried to forgive her and tell yourself that it is okay, and it is only fair to forgive both parties because they’re equally at fault. But time and again, you can’t bring yourself to do that.

You know deep down you can never forgive her.

 

The Moment of Realisation

You analyse every detail and come to an understanding. They lack morals.

The morals you hold so dearly to yourself. The values you have that they do not. Our morals that are constant regardless of situations. The realisation that another lady did what she did to another because she wants to feel better about herself.

 

A Logical Take: Why These Ladies Do What They Do

I have spoken with and met enough men and ladies in such situations to perfectly understand the logical and emotional motivation to do what they have done. It is difficult to comprehend because I am one who would rather break up with someone than to even cheat on someone I’m seeing. I am a friend to another lady who would be the first to tell her if her date is being funny. I am a friend who would hold loyalty close to my heart to not do what has been done.

Through personal observations, I can only say that these are the key observations between these ladies who have convinced themselves that it is okay to do what they did, at least at that point of time.

  • They have had bad experiences in their own relationships.
    • The thing is that they know exactly how much it hurts and they have once sworn not to do this to someone else, but they always end up doing exactly what was done to them. And this is just a very warped thinking.
  • Deep down, they are desperate for emotional attachment.
    • Women are mostly emotional creatures. Their hearts convince their heads to execute an action in accordance to their desires. They reason out things they fail to logically, with very blurred and unjustified excuses such as “I just want to do it.”
    • Most of them would say they don’t mind being neglected, or even if emotions aren’t involved. They wouldn’t mind not being loved as much, or even for the littlest. They would all say that they don’t mind. But through observations, a lot of their reasonings are rooted from the fact that they lack a committed emotional attachment that they desire to a partner.
  • They are subconsciously unhappy with their own lives.
    • They could be attached, single, or even married. But most of them are not getting what they exactly want in their relationship. It could be something as simple as a material need, or just emotional care and concern. It could also be a lack of common interest and excitement in the relationship. They channel these desires and fantasies elsewhere, and unfortunately, unto someone else’s pain.
  • They are easily convinced.
    • The opposing party would always feed information such as him being unhappy in the relationship and victimize himself to justify what he is doing. This convinces the lady to make excuses for herself and conscience like, “hey, he is cheating on his wife because she has been too busy for him and since it’s just once, there isn’t any harm in doing it.”
  • But they forgot they get attached emotionally.
    • You can be the most emotionally detached person and feel absolutely no guilt after such actions, but most ladies I’m referring to here are people who get attached emotionally. It is the same for the rest of us – spend enough hours with one person and you will only grow to like him or her. You get to see sides you never knew and explore the good in one. You will fall, and you subconsciously know it – but you chose to block it out and make even more excuses.
  • They are normal ladies, just like us.
    • Except that they do not exercise the same discipline and control over their desires and actions.

 

 


 

Ultimately, acts of infidelity can never be justified. The reason I’m writing this post to only the ladies is because a lady is what I am, and that is how I can truly relate and write this. I wouldn’t be able to feel how a guy would feel being put in the same situation.

I just hope that ladies who have been through this, feel better about themselves and know that you’re not the only ones who have to be put through this. I just want you to know that you can be strong and get through this. Do not feel pressured into justifying to everyone else why you chose to work on the relationship even if he had done you wrong – time spent between you both are solely between you both; Nobody knows him like you do and nobody would understand the chemistry that you both have. Nobody knows the effort he has put in to make you forgive him. Nobody would.

You have been through enough. Don’t feel like you ever have to force yourself to do things you don’t want to do. Everyone is going to have an opinion for every decision you make, so let this be one that you can freely make for yourself.

Start loving yourself and caring for yourself. Stop putting anyone else first.

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