With the society becoming increasingly sceptical of sincerity these days, it is easy to say we all have trust issues. However, whenever it comes to relationships, friends tell me they start having trust issues after a bad relationship, I never thought I could truly relate.
Someone used to ask me why I tend to trust so blindly. It was not because I was naive. I wanted to be as trusting as I could be. I wanted to be untainted by bad experiences. I refused to let a few bad experiences determine how I trust people. I believed being trusting by default was the right way and treatment to each relationship and that was only fair.
You could say that mindset had set my path for the past 24 years, but this cycle has given me enough lessons to start changing the way I deal with people.
1. You still try to believe in genuineness.
No matter whatever setbacks, you want to believe in sincerity. You want to believe that people approach you with no other agenda. You want to have faith. You are careful and aware of red flags, but you do not let it hinder your judgement or decisions when meeting someone new.
2. You go through the cycles of distrust again and again.
Time and again, you trust the wrong people. Time and again, your instincts failed you.
Time and again, you’re disappointed.
You are disappointed because you convinced yourself it was good intentions. You convinced yourself to let these warning signs slip by.
3. You continue to put yourself out there, but this time you are a lot more careful.
You continue meeting new people, starting new conversations, building new relationships. You want to keep the faith in you alive. You refuse to let these setbacks beat you down, just like in the past.
So you convince yourself that you’d give it a try again and again.
4. You start becoming smarter.
Ignorance is bliss, but awareness makes you realistic. You start being aware of people’s intentions. You start questioning yourself whenever someone is nice to you or tries to get close to you.
You still have faith but you find yourself asking questions about people’s motives. People ask me why I have become so critical about relationships when I deal with this topic every other day. The truth is I know, because I see, I observe and I analyse human behaviour. I know for sure when things are starting to get off-track.
I start realising that even marriage isn’t a destination, it’s an uncertain and tough marathon. A marathon filled with obstacles and intruders. A marathon that would require both parties to have a similar drive and dedication. A marathon where you wanting this alone won’t be enough.
A marathon of uncertainty. A marathon of mostly disappointments due to expectations.
I start to understand that even the worst situations are not intentional. I start to understand that there is no right or wrong, only natural human behaviour. Only circumstances. Only if you’re the victim today, or the villain tomorrow. Only different priorities and motivation.
5. You stop making real connections.
Because you hate being vulnerable. You hate being known. You cannot stand the fact that someone else knows you so much. You can no longer put yourself in a place where you could potentially get hurt. You can no longer open up without thinking twice if that would benefit you in any way, because you are so happy and comfortable alone. You no longer see the worth in tearing down walls.
You stop yourself from sharing too much. You stop telling people how you really feel. You start walking away the moment you sense something isn’t right – not even a chance of explanation and making up.
You are your own shield and protection.
You stop hoping that someone would one day understand you and embrace you for who you are. You are happy alone.
At the end of the day, you’re also constantly trying to ignore the fact that if you could, you want to love again. But now, it seems almost impossible.